Rediscovering the Discipline to Write ....
The last few weeks were crazy! Trying to get back into work mode after a long holiday, run a department, and teach far more classes than I'm supposed to have due to teachers not being able to enter the country. It was survivable .... but it really was surviving. Thankfully solutions have been found and I'm back to a more sane teaching load so now it's back to trying to find discipline to write again.
It's a hard discipline: finding the time and motivation and silencing the thoughts that say there's nothing I really can offer. But this has been a season for learning that it's not about competing to be valuable, it's not about finding my worth in what I can achieve or produce, rather, it's simply being obedient to what I am called to in each moment. Right now that obedience looks like being disciplined to write, to create, to step out.
I wasn't sure what to write beside a general update and then I came across a poem I wrote way back. I wrote it just at the end of a season of being so tired and exhausted from work when I felt God calling me to take up the invitation to lead a prayer ministry (whilst working full time still) which I felt so inadequate to take on. On the night I wrote this I was in charge of leading our creative focused small group for that week but my brain was so spent I really didn't want to speak for long! So, I took us and our art materials on a prayer walk around the public park that was right next to church. When we got to the park I was so exhausted I just found a bench by a tree and sat down... but God met me powerfully in that moment and I ended up writing this.
I'm not particularly a poet ... but this raw moment reminds me why I need to write and how faithful God has been each and every time I have stepped out in obedience to what he calls me too.
Holding back
Wondering - what have I left to give?
Walls fall down
Emotions bared
Strength spent
Nothing left
Who am I?
What space is left?
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