Learning to Love

In this season of moving from a place where I am ‘known’ to a place where I am just another face in the crowd this is something I wrote a while ago that I keep coming back to. As I read and am challenged by these thoughts all over again these are the questions I ask myself today: 

What is my identity based on - Is it secure regardless of my circumstances or is it based on the recognition others give me? 

What will I value most as I build my life here? 

What will I prioritise most - Loving others or trying to impress others?

– 1 Corinthians 13:1-14:1

13 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

14 Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy.

About ten years ago I was asked to take over the leadership of a ministry team. I was feeling overwhelmed and inadequate like I wasn't gifted or experienced enough for the position. However, I agreed to pray about the role. One Sunday, I found myself in the upper house (balcony of the church) and God prompted me to look around at everyone. He then proceeded to ask me, 'Can you love all of these people?' That, He said, is what He required of me in the new role. Not that this made the task simpler! My response was 'I don't think I can – I don't even know where to begin.' Thankfully though, He does not expect us to do this in our own strength. He replied 'Good. Then you'll rely on me to help you do this.'

So many times we think others are more qualified, or more spiritual, as a result of the things they can do or the gifts that they have. We are taught to value and respect people who can prophesy accurately, or those who perform miracles, and it is tempting to think that our faith 'level' is directly related to our giftings. We see this in the tendency we have to create 'Christian Celebrities' and elevate those who have impressive gifts to a higher status. Often, this is our focus as we look to 'expand our tent'. We want to see how we can gain influence by achieving more and growing in our skills and giftings. There was a very similar culture in the Corinthian church that Paul was writing to. The Corinthians were desperately focused on raising their status by gaining and exercising spiritual gifts.

Paul emphatically demolished the Corinthian's philosophy on this topic. Over the course of three verses, he declared that six major spiritual gifts (tongues, prophecy, wisdom, faith, giving, and martyrdom) were worthless if they were not motivated by love. Three times he declared the futility of these gifts aside from love. Three times he took the things the Corinthians looked to for identity, status, and worth and entirely devalued them. Paul reminds us that God does not gift for our own benefit and status but for the benefit of others. And, just as significantly, spiritual gifts are not a reward for good behaviour but an unearned gift. He also reminds us, that as we pursue growth in these ways we must not forget to pursue growth in our ability to love.

Paul takes such care in dismantling these concepts because when we start to equate our worth and place in the church with gifting and forget about love, we move into some dangerous patterns of thinking. Thinking that says, 'I'm better than those around me.' and 'God/the church needs me because I have this gift.' Or, 'God couldn't use me because I don't have any special gifts.' It could even lead us to a place where we may be tempted to manipulate others. All this thinking shows that we've forgotten the reality of who God is and who we are. Yes, spiritual gifts are important, a means through which God enlarges our tent, and a beautiful part of our faith, but only when we understand them in their proper context. Only when our faith is motivated by love.

Reflection

How do you assess your walk with God? Do you try and measure it according to your abilities and gifts or are you concerned with the way you are able to love those around you? Spend some time with the Father asking Him to help you love those around you more.

Prayer

Father, thank You for the reminder of what is important in Your Kingdom. Help me not get distracted by other things. I admit that sometimes it's easier to act like I'm spiritual than it is to love others. Help me to love others more – without Your help, this is too difficult for me. Amen.