Highs and Lows

Yesterday just about summarised the extremes of teaching practice. My first two lessons weren't disastrous but they also weren't my best. It was non uniform day, the weather was terrible, there was a cover teacher in with me, not having my own room meant that I was never quite prepared for the lesson ahead cos I had to keep changing rooms, it was the first time I taught lower school English by myself. This meant that some of the kids were a bit mad to say the least. There were certain issues with kids ... I came out of the lessons wondering whether I had it in me to be a teacher, whether I actually cared enough about the kids in my class, why was I doing this, is doing a secondary PGCE my biggest mistake ever???

So many doubts.

Then I had a year 8 drama class in the afternoon. It has to have been my best lesson yet... I can hardly believe how well it went. My drama mentor even said that she wanted to tell the teacher in charge of trainees in the school about it she was so impressed. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all.
So strange how one moment it can be so bad and the next it can be so good. Yeah I still have a lot to learn but it's not impossible for me. Such a day of learning and encouragement.

Also realising how difficult it can be to accept criticism. How it can hurt my pride. How I can take it as an attack on myself when it's not meant like that. I so want to do well... but sometimes I don't. Criticism about my teaching is not meant to destroy me but to help me become a better teacher, to show me ways that I can improve. To accept it means to accept I do things imperfectly sometimes and even though I know I'm not perfect it's still hard to accept that about oneself. This is a good process for me.

Last night we had dinner as a cell group ... such a lovely, relaxing evening.
And today and tomorrow I have half days... with no teaching... cos it's inschool training days. So blessed with the timing of these. The next weeks are gonna be uber mad cos I've said I'll help out with the school musical they are putting on, every evening is booked with something or other, lessons to plan.. teach and evaluate, essays to write and mountains of filing to do.
Before all that though I have a weekend trip to London with my housemates... catching a show, hopefully meeting up with people there etc...

I may be busy but at least I am managing to have a life beyond the PGCE, that sometimes surprises people but I am being so blessed with the strength to get all this stuff done. It is not all my strength by any means. If it was just up to me and what I could do by myself then I dread to think what this year would be like. But it's not. What a comfort that is.