Rest
I do not find it easy to rest. At all. Work - yes, rest - no! In fact in the 2009/2010 academic year I went for a whole year without taking a day off. I had my full time teaching job, was a leader at the youth group at church, heavily involved in the young adult’s ministry, helped to prayer lead for a mid-week prayer and worship set, was part of the worship team and I led the Sunday morning teenage church every week and wrote its curriculum. When I did take some ‘time off’ to travel I went on mission trips. I cannot for the life of me work out how I didn’t self combust, have a nervous breakdown or fall asleep whilst walking that year but somehow none of the above happened and for this I am incredibly thankful.
I’m more thankful though that God took me from that crazy place and brought me into a journey of exploring rest. I vividly remember the day I realised that my inability to rest might just be a problem. It was during my summer holiday and surprise, surprise I was on another mission trip. Somehow I had built up a connection with some people working for 24-7 Prayer in the U.S and somehow I ended up on a trip with their team into one of the major cities in China. If I remember correctly I was the only non-American on the team! Anyway, a couple of days into the trip we were instructed to have some rest time so that we would be ready for what we would be doing the next day. And so, I tried to rest. I sat down in a comfortable chair .... but suddenly all I wanted to do was sweep and mop the floor. The urge to get up and clean was ridiculously strong. Whatever happened, I needed to be out of that chair, I needed to DO something. As I got up I remember someone asking me what I was doing and then forcing me to go and sit down and rest. It took every ounce of strength, concentration and focus to stay in that chair that day, to not do. To be honest it was more draining than relaxing at that point because it was so unnatural to me not to be doing anything, but it was a necessary part of the process. Once I shared about my year of not taking a day off to my team I didn’t do a whole lot for the rest of the trip (totally not my idea of a good time). People constantly told me to rest! And the more I tried the easier it became. Still not exactly easy but at least I was able to sit still by the end of the week.
The more I looked at my life the more things I saw unravelling because of my lack of rest. My inability to love and have patience with people? Much came down to my lack of rest and the stress that built up as a result. The fact I never did any exercise? Well I didn’t have the time did I.... On and on went the list. Not resting was not in the slightest helping me become more like Jesus or healthier as a person. And so I determined I needed to rest more. I didn’t do too bad a job of it during the remainder of the summer holidays but then school started again and then I took on the role of co-ordinating the prayer ministry of my church (though I did put some other things down before I picked this up) life happened more and rest happened less. I never got back to the lows of no days off in a year - but I wasn’t exactly “jealous” for my rest.
Five years on and I’m still learning how to rest. Somehow I think the balance between stewarding what God has given to me and resting is something I will continue to battle with; at least for the foreseeable future. My life now looks very different - I quit my day job to take a sabbatical and to figure out my next steps. Surely, you would think, that would make it easier to rest- not having a job! But somehow it’s always possible to fill your time! In fact only the other week I found myself in the midst of a crazy weekend.
Friday - mum’s and toddlers group followed by a day in the church office and then youth group, Saturday - helping co-ordinate an inter-church event, Sunday praying for people at 3 services. On top of that I somehow persuaded myself that it would be a good idea to help lead worship at the young adult’s service on the Saturday night. Funnily enough the topic of the night was rest. I agreed because I felt like God had been speaking to me a lot about rest not twigging it was my own personal rest He had been talking about. As I tried to sleep that night I felt like God said to me “Why do you want me to bless your disobedience?” And in that moment I knew exactly that I’d missed the whole point... and so for once I was obedient and got swapped out of the worship team and some of the prayer teams.
God’s command in this season is for me to rest so that he can move. To acknowledge that it’s not my strength but his that makes a difference. To fight for this lifestyle of rest that is so against the culture of a city whose motto seems to be ‘rest is for the weak.’ I am thankful that there are people walking this counter-cultural journey with me. People who remind me to rest when I forget and vice-versa. Will you join me in this journey of learning what it means and looks like to rest this year?
I’m more thankful though that God took me from that crazy place and brought me into a journey of exploring rest. I vividly remember the day I realised that my inability to rest might just be a problem. It was during my summer holiday and surprise, surprise I was on another mission trip. Somehow I had built up a connection with some people working for 24-7 Prayer in the U.S and somehow I ended up on a trip with their team into one of the major cities in China. If I remember correctly I was the only non-American on the team! Anyway, a couple of days into the trip we were instructed to have some rest time so that we would be ready for what we would be doing the next day. And so, I tried to rest. I sat down in a comfortable chair .... but suddenly all I wanted to do was sweep and mop the floor. The urge to get up and clean was ridiculously strong. Whatever happened, I needed to be out of that chair, I needed to DO something. As I got up I remember someone asking me what I was doing and then forcing me to go and sit down and rest. It took every ounce of strength, concentration and focus to stay in that chair that day, to not do. To be honest it was more draining than relaxing at that point because it was so unnatural to me not to be doing anything, but it was a necessary part of the process. Once I shared about my year of not taking a day off to my team I didn’t do a whole lot for the rest of the trip (totally not my idea of a good time). People constantly told me to rest! And the more I tried the easier it became. Still not exactly easy but at least I was able to sit still by the end of the week.
The more I looked at my life the more things I saw unravelling because of my lack of rest. My inability to love and have patience with people? Much came down to my lack of rest and the stress that built up as a result. The fact I never did any exercise? Well I didn’t have the time did I.... On and on went the list. Not resting was not in the slightest helping me become more like Jesus or healthier as a person. And so I determined I needed to rest more. I didn’t do too bad a job of it during the remainder of the summer holidays but then school started again and then I took on the role of co-ordinating the prayer ministry of my church (though I did put some other things down before I picked this up) life happened more and rest happened less. I never got back to the lows of no days off in a year - but I wasn’t exactly “jealous” for my rest.
Five years on and I’m still learning how to rest. Somehow I think the balance between stewarding what God has given to me and resting is something I will continue to battle with; at least for the foreseeable future. My life now looks very different - I quit my day job to take a sabbatical and to figure out my next steps. Surely, you would think, that would make it easier to rest- not having a job! But somehow it’s always possible to fill your time! In fact only the other week I found myself in the midst of a crazy weekend.
Friday - mum’s and toddlers group followed by a day in the church office and then youth group, Saturday - helping co-ordinate an inter-church event, Sunday praying for people at 3 services. On top of that I somehow persuaded myself that it would be a good idea to help lead worship at the young adult’s service on the Saturday night. Funnily enough the topic of the night was rest. I agreed because I felt like God had been speaking to me a lot about rest not twigging it was my own personal rest He had been talking about. As I tried to sleep that night I felt like God said to me “Why do you want me to bless your disobedience?” And in that moment I knew exactly that I’d missed the whole point... and so for once I was obedient and got swapped out of the worship team and some of the prayer teams.
God’s command in this season is for me to rest so that he can move. To acknowledge that it’s not my strength but his that makes a difference. To fight for this lifestyle of rest that is so against the culture of a city whose motto seems to be ‘rest is for the weak.’ I am thankful that there are people walking this counter-cultural journey with me. People who remind me to rest when I forget and vice-versa. Will you join me in this journey of learning what it means and looks like to rest this year?
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