Freedom to Play

I've been in Penang a year and 13 days as of writing this! Which is crazy! Just like that a year has flown by. Over this year what I've missed most is people and, connected in with all of that I realised yesterday, I've missed the opportunity to play. To be Auntie Jemma and to play crazy, ridiculous, silly, make believe games with my friend's children.

Yesterday was the first time that happened for me in Penang; in a most unexpected way.

I was going to a one year Wedding Anniversary celebration for a really lovely couple from church. As far as I knew no children were going to be there. It was at church. Lots of people I'm gradually getting to know were going to be there as well as a tonne of people I've never spoken to before (the usual scenario in the first year or so of being in a place). There would be dinner, and worship, and small talk, and people talking about marriage with almost certainly a side helping of (well meaning, nicely worded, entirely unintentional) dismissal of singleness. Anyway - I digress - one day I will write about this topic but not today. Suffice to say I was looking forward to it but I was also bracing myself and mentally preparing not to be too salty at the inevitable comments that would be made.

I needn't have worried as it turns out. Through a random sequence of events I actually spent the entire evening, from the car ride there until home time (all 3 + hours) playing with the daughter of one of the couple's friends. I have no idea how old she is but probably around the 4 year old mark if I had to guess. 

For hours we played chase, and catch the hand, and rewind (when she was trying to go somewhere she wasn't allowed), and good night good morning, and school. We rode imaginary horses, pretended to be penguins and aeroplanes, twirled, laughed. There was so much laughter! When it was dinner time we sat inelegantly on the floor to eat and rice went everywhere including inside my shoe. When it was worship time we danced and sang and I didn't think for a second if I, or indeed anyone else in the room, was in tune, or if anyone was looking at me as I danced. When people at the front were talking we quietly built towers from water bottles and pencils and I became a human slide. When people were praying we joined in with whispered conversations about what we were thankful for about the couple that was being prayed for and what we wanted to ask God to do for them.

And so last night I didn't have time to think about what anyone thought of me. Having been new for so long (with changing churches, MCO happening so early into time at the new church etc ... ) it's been a long time since I haven't, at least subconsciously, been considering what impression I am making on the people around me. Ever so slightly editing my behaviour to fit in. Not last night though, honestly after a while of running around I was so disheveled - hair everywhere, bright red I'm sure, face covered in sweat, covered in dust from the floor - I really did look a mess. But I didn't care the tiniest bit. In worship I didn't think about what people might think or what anyone else was doing - I just worshipped. I also didn't have time to dwell on any salty things that would otherwise definitely have run through my head.

Today though I am thankful. I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to be Auntie Jemma again, here in Penang. I am so thankful that that side of me still exists and I didn't get too old for it. I am so thankful for the reminder to care less about what people think and notice when I let myself get that way. I am so thankful for the reminder of what worshipping can look like. I am so thankful for all the laughter in the midst of this most ridiculous and crazy season when it seems there is always something to grieve about.

A night of playing reminded me what it means to be childlike and I really needed a reminder.