Challenged to Shine

On Perspective (and an apology)

2009-05-18T18:19:00.005+08:00

Derek's sermon last Saturday was based around the wrath of God... but at the centre of that lies his amazing love for us. If you look straight into the centre of God's wrath you come face to face with Jesus on the cross. And all you can see then is love. It's a bizarre paradox. But it's amazing. So often I get caught up with the wrath stuff...it's relatively easy to get my head around. In fact it makes perfect sense to me... I would pronounce the same judgement on myself. But then I miss the central point because I stopped looking before I got there. When God showed me a different perspective though...what I saw changed.

In the same way God has been showing me how I need to change my perspective in another area. It might be different but the effect is the same. He is taking me from seeing judgment and death to seeing the amazing, amazing love of my God.

For a long time now I've been looking at other people's actions (well actually to be more specific the actions of Christians) through the perspective of my past experiences. Through the perspective of times when other Christians have hurt me. Rejected me. Said stuff to me that really damaged me. And the thing is when you look for something hard enough.... if there is even a glimpse of it .... you will find it, magnify it and distort it.
Now, I know for one that even though I am a Christian I am by NO MEANS perfect. In fact that thought is laughable!!!!!I am sooooo far from it. Therefore if someone was to look at my actions expecting to be hurt by them there is no way that they would not find something to be hurt by.
Given that the bible says "If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.." (1 John 1:8) I can be pretty confident in saying I am not the only one to fail to attain perfection. Therefore, when I looked to be hurt... I was.
I missed all the things that reflected Christ in his body that surrounded me and instead focused on all those things not of him. Not only did that start to develop horrible things in me like... hatred, pride, jealousy etc etc... but I also missed seeing something of God himself. I didn't see the love of God... instead I saw judgement and death.

BUT the church isn't called 'the body of Christ' for nothing. It is through the unity of the church that we are called to make God, and his wisdom, known. (Romans 15, Ephesians 2&3 and more) God can, and will use his church to show expressions of himself.
This last couple of weekends God has been showing me expression after expression of his love for me through many, many people in my church. At first I missed that expression of love.... focusing not on what was done and said but on that which lacked....Focusing on what might happen in the future rather than what was happening now. But reflecting back this morning on what happened this weekend all I can see is God's amazing, amazing love for me.

My God is so good to me ... he has blessed me with an amazing 'family' here in Hong Kong but I've been missing it. I can only apologise if I've been looking for negative things in you and what you do and missing that of God that is within you...

It doesn't end here though.... I am determined to be a part of a body that reflects Christ to all around me...I am determined not to pull back from what God has given me and I'm determined.... well I'm determined to do so many things... but my determination means nothing without the power of God in me...rather I resolve to know nothing but Jesus Christ and him crucified along with you all. I resolve to seeking him and him alone...being part of that journey with you all...
I have no clue how the heck that is going to work... but I'm beginning to realise that I don't need to... It is enough to simply know Him.

Not An Option

2009-05-12T19:06:00.003+08:00

All I want to do right now is give up. That's the honest truth. Unfortunately that is the only thing that's not an option...
You have no idea how frustrating that is. In fact it's so frustrating that it stops me sleeping and makes me cry - even in public places =s But then today I suddenly started thinking: Why? Why am I so clear that it's not an option? Why after all this time do I still think that?

Answer: Jesus! My Lord.... my Amazing Awesome God.
That's the only answer I can possibly give... and yet to many it would/ does sound entirely bizarre.
I have faith that even as I am brought to despair - still... that even as I see no way out at all... he is more than capable. Everything he has promised is true. Yes, I may physically see no actual light at the end of the tunnel so to speak but that does not matter:

Hebrews 11 1"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

I do not actually have to see it right at this moment for it to be true.
He has promised to bring me out of this, that he will never leave or forsake me etc And I have set my heart on the truth of these promises therefore giving up is not an option.

As I was sat watching the 'Quest' video with my students today and the question... "Why do people believe in things even though they can't see them" came up it reminded me of this truth. It reminded me that I do not need to see it for it to be true. It also made me think about the fact that even when we don't see some things themselves we can see evidence to help back up our faith. So whilst the water going down a waterfall might be evidence to back up my belief in gravity.... the things I have seen God do before... the examples to be found in the bible... the things he even speaks to me at this time.... are evidence to help back up my belief in God's faithfulness.

And so in some ways I'm no further on really - I'm still stuck...I still can't even imagine how this will work itself out - yet in another sense everything has changed. Where my heart was troubled there is now some peace, where I couldn't help but weep - I can now stop.
The answer was so simple - to look right at my Loving Father...
So often I look at him - but don't really see him. So often I think I'm looking at him - but nothing changes. How sad!

A poem

2009-05-01T20:27:00.003+08:00

Almost six months on...and I'm not there yet....it still HURTS!!!!!
But today was a public holiday and I took some time out with God. It was a struggle to get into his presence. Everything possible seems to get in the way of my time alone with him these days. But eventually ... something happened. He reminded me of who he is, the perspective I so often lack, my frequent daftness and a whole host of other stuff. Out of that time I wrote a poem (well actually a few). It's been an AGE since I did any actual writing of my own - despite spending my life encouraging others to write. Not really sure why I want to put it here - but I do, so here's one of them (very much in draft form). At least it's a little more positive than some of the previous posts!

****************************************************
Why do I run around in circles?
Hearing then forgetting,
Knowing and not doing.
It exhausts me God!
I need you... and yet...
I act like I don't.
I'm exhausted, shattered, destroyed-
and yet-
I sign up for the next marathon task.
Sometimes it feels like one step forward
swallowed up in six back.

God as I go back,
the prowling enemy
snaps
at my heels and I'm scared.
The sight,
The sound,
terrifies me
ENTIRELY
I'm ready to be consumed
There is nothing I can do.

So I lift my hands
in surrender and desperation.
I glance up - eyes follow their path
and then
I see
YOU

A distant bright star in the sky.
I see your strength, intensity and light.
Your light wraps around me.
Your promises lift me...
I am with you always
I am the beginning and the end
I am your rescuer
You belong to me
I love you outrageously
I am fighting for you
I will strengthen you
I am victorious already
I am he
It is I

***************************************************
So - what he reminded me...
See your battles as I see them
See yourself as I see you
See other people as I see them
See me as I really am
See like I see

Returning

2008-12-22T18:15:00.003+08:00

This has been a long time coming. I wonder why I am only drawn to come back to this thing when everything starts to fall apart. In the almost 9 months since I last posted... I got a room mate, moved to a bigger, nicer place, got two adorable cats, signed another two year contract and went on a few fab holidays and mission trips.... and yet all of that is unrecorded.
The now... I'm on Christmas holidays.... and everything seems to be falling to pieces around me. Not that anything has actually happened. In a world of financial turmoil and uncertainty I am unscathed, if not better off than before. Which makes it even harder to admit that inside everything is falling apart. I'm heading back to square 1. Going back to stuff that I thought would never be gone back to. In a place I really don't want to be but don't have the energy or the willpower to escape from. This has been a long time brewing.... but I failed to do anything about it... I was just too caught up in keeping myself going for school... pushing myself on (that and a ridiculous mix of pride, denial and fear)..... but now it's the holidays there's not so much to keep myself together for and so the meltdowns keep on coming. How I wish that I was different. That I'd handled this all so differently and that I didn't screw up so badly every time. But here I am again. I don't want this. Yet at the same time I'm not sure I care enough to fight against this. Sometimes it feels like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and about to fall back into my past.
Why say this here? I don't know..... but I guess this place is so dead that people won't check .... and if they do.... who cares what strangers think and as for people I know.... it's easier to put this in written form.... cos the old lies are back. No matter how hard I resolve to talk, to share, to let people in.... the old lies keep on flying out of my mouth.... probably cos it's easier.
So yeah... the blog is back.... for the moment at least - and even though it's bad right now I am still hanging on.

Sick

2008-02-17T19:55:00.003+08:00

I have a cold or the flu or something... but whatever it is, it's bad and I've lost my voice again!
I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to keep losing your voice. Not only do you really need to be able to talk to teach but also I am such a talkative person. When I had to describe myself in three words for an interview one of them was talkative.

Not only that but I had to take two days off school and spent them recuperating at home. You would think that having a couple of days off work would be a good thing. A chance to rest and get away from the madness for a little while. But it's been driving me up the wall. The first day was okay... I was so sick I just couldn't do anything.... it's when I began to feel better that the frustration started, mainly due to the fact I have no housemates this year. It seems I can only take so much of my own company. It's times like these that I miss the Sedgwick street crew or really really want to get a cat!

Anyways, so being fed up with my own company I go out to see people but cos I'm still sick I make the whole sick thing last longer and have to spend longer at home and I force my voice so that it stays weak for longer. Aiyah. What will I do with myself?

Worshipping at church this morning was tough too ... it took me a long time to get past the whole ... But I can't talk, I wanna be able to talk too, how come everyone else has a voice, it's so unfair/ annoying thing.

So yeah, I suck at being sick... I'm just really hoping my voice is back properly for tomorrow. This morning it was non-existent... now it's there but a little dodgy. Here's hoping and praying.

On a positive note though my frustration at being cooped up is, in some ways, a good sign. I've moved on from the introspective thoughts from last time. I am so ready right now.... just working out what exactly it is I'm ready for! (More on that soon I'm sure)

Thoughts from the side of my heater

2008-02-10T18:05:00.000+08:00

Hong Kong is SO COLD right now! It definitely wasn't this cold for this long last time I was here for winter but the cold snap keeps on going. Right now I really miss central heating... and snow days.... and my kitchen... and Cambridge... the list goes on!

Instead of central heating I have an electric heater which follows me round wherever I go in my apartment. The thing with my heater is that sometimes in an effort to get warm quicker I get that little bit too close. And when I get too close I can feel myself starting to burn or something and that pain is my warning to move away. That I am too close and that if I stay there I will get hurt. It's a protective mechanism. A way of protecting ourselves from injury. It's not just physical injury we try and protect ourselves from though... we try and protect ourselves from emotional injury too. That's something I've been thinking a lot about this past week. Realising that, amongst other things, perhaps I 'protect' myself so much that I no longer let God protect me....

Suffice to say it's been an uncomfortable week and my heater has now seen me shed many a tear. But, God is starting a new work in me. As I struggle on he continues to remind me how much I can trust him, of his great love for me, of his gentleness, of his strength. He asks me to lift my soul up to HIM and him alone. He reminds me of each of his promises to me and he uses those around me to keep on pointing me back to him. He points out to me how each of his children, all those around me, need him so desperately, he imparts his secrets into my soul. And before I know it I am a softer person. The brittleness of my strength is replaced with a 'weakness' and grasping on to the promise "I will be with you wherever you go" I pick myself up, dust myself off and head back out to the 'battleground'.

2008 - Content but not Satisfied

2008-01-03T18:23:00.000+08:00

This place is so dead but I'm insanely bored of marking so here goes.... A New Year Post =)

There are so many thoughts going round my head at the moment... the beginning of a new year as I'm still finding out what God's got in store for me here in Hong Kong. For the last two years I've been thinking that once I got to Hong Kong I would KNOW what I was supposed to be doing... that everything would just fall into place.... but that hasn't happened and I'm left with just as many questions .... and God has opened my eyes up to so much in these few years that I just can't ignore. So I start this year wanting to be content but not satisfied.

Being content... something that I though a lot about in the years after Hong Kong. Something that we're commanded to be in the Bible.... with our circumstances, with our possessions.... but so against the culture of materialism etc that we live in.

Back in 2005 (sounds so long ago now!) I was convicted that I really needed to be content with where God had placed me despite the fact that Birmingham was the last place on earth I wanted to be going... and with much prayer and struggle I got there, helped along by the amazing people I met there. But just as I was becoming content I began to think things like 'if I'm content with this then maybe God will keep me as a single girl stuck in England for ever and ever' and then I became, for a while at least, less of a fan of contentment. And in any case it's a very dull word... definitely not going to make my top 10!
But I've come to realise those thoughts are miles out of the ball park and definitely not Godly thoughts... in fact more the opposite. But why the attack against contentment? This got me thinking ... maybe there's something more to contentment... maybe God wants us to be content for a reason. I'd never really understood why God seemed so hung up on contentment - but hey as he was God he got to be a bit 'strange' and we got to deal with it.
Some answers to my ponderances were found in Paul's letter to the Phillipians ...Phillipians 4: 11-13 "...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
- Paul's contentment in need didn't stop the plenty and vice versa.
- There is a 'secret' to being content suggesting it's not easy *phew* I'm not the only one who thinks it's hard.
- The secret is the holy spirit... so surprising to find the I can do everything verse attached to talk about contentment had never twigged that before.

and the purpose of contentment... to me it means that we're focused on what God is doing where we are, not somewhere else, freeing us to be 'dangerous' for God where we are. Now that's quite cool... and so I'm back into contentment (despite the fact it's still quite a boring word)

But even though I'm content... well trying to be anyway... I am not satisfied. When I look around me I'm not satisfied with so much. I'm not satisfied at the way I treat people ... I'm not satisfied when I see all the hurting people both round me and on the news, I'm not satisfied when I think about how I use my time, I'm not satisfied when I think about my relationship with God, I'm not satisfied when I see myself and often the church so disconnected from other people... the poor, hurting, non-Christians... the list could go on and on. I AM NOT SATISFIED!
I don't want it to end there though I want to do something about these things... still trying to work out what exactly but I just need to start I guess.

And so this year this is my aim. To be content so that I can be dangerous for God right here and to not be satisfied with what I see and to start to do something about these things. Sounds like a huge exciting challenge to me =)

A Quarterly Blog

2007-11-24T11:24:00.001+08:00

OH MY LIFE! Have I really been teaching for 3 months??!! Now that is crazy... a quarter of the year gone already.... and no blog in all that time.

Well that sums up the main thing about teaching I guess, well first year teaching at any rate... you have NO time for pretty much anything else. As it is I have a pile of over 60 major papers waiting to be marked and a 92% contact week looming which is probably going to include a major observation looking at my progress so far. The work never seems to slow down... but I am just about managing to keep my head above water... I've survived my first major parents evening, my first 'sick' day, a major faux pas by another member of staff in front of my year 10's and my first set of reports. In fact, I got "told off" last week for coping to well, apparently it makes it hard for people to remember I'm a first year!

In amongst the busyness this job is kinda fun, and you begin to realise that kids really do say the funniest things, especially when trying to get out of trouble (see my facebook quotes). I think I've traumatised some of my year 7's by them finding out that I'm an English teacher who isn't 25 yet and doesn't read novels every day.

Being young, and looking young (probably more significantly)can be really amusing/ a real pain sometimes though. I'm up to about 8 or 9 cases of mistaken identity so far this year. By teachers and students... I was amused to be told to "Get back in that queue now!" by a year 11 on camp... and yesterday a teacher I haven't met before asked if I was another student's younger sister...??!!??

Well, I'm now going to take my frazzled, inarticulate brain back to work.... I might make it back in another quarter!

Here I am!

2007-08-29T20:06:00.000+08:00

Just over three weeks into my new Hong Kong life and things are slowly getting sorted. I'm getting in to the swing of work now. By the second week it just seems so natural to be back in the classroom.... in fact I can hardly believe how right it seems given how worried I was before I started. My imagination is obviously still alive and well... conjuring up crazy classroom happenings!

Have already quashed one major rumour that was starting about me at school... that I had come to Hong Kong so that I could be living in the same place as my fiance... huh... how on earth did that rumour start... goodness knows!!!... and have also already been mistaken for a student. Not just any student though.... a year 7 student!!! I know I look young but surely that's ridiculous... a record even for me!

I finally managed to get an apartment... just where I wanted to be living. It's still soooo empty though. Partly due to my lack of motivation to go furniture shopping in my few precious spare hours and partly due to Ikea trauma after Ikea trauma.

The last Ikea disaster got me SOOOO mad. I stormed over to, and round Ikea, looking so pissed off it's untrue and probably muttering under my breath. Really not a good look. So by the time I'd made it through the assault course that is the Ikea store I was fuming. As I waited in line to see the customer service guy thoughts of how pissed off I was were running through my head and I was pretty much preparing to give him a right earful. How I was gonna shout at him about the fact that I didn't have time to be mucked about like this, how I wanted them to do what I wanted when I wanted, about how they should be making ME happy by doing what I wanted when I wanted, how I didn't care if they were busy... they just needed to find a way to get it done. Basically how I was more important than anyone else. But then... as I was standing there I just realised how ridiculously self-centred I was being... and not only that, I remembered what it was like to work on the customer service desk. How many times had I had a day ruined because a customer was nasty to me just cause they weren't happy about something. How many times had I wanted to just go and cry cos a customer had been really nasty to me. How small in the grand scheme of things was a sofa not arriving for another week. Was it worth having a go at someone about... not really. Were those negative comments reflective of the impact I want to make in the lives of people I come across.... definitely not.

And so, I calmed down and .... by the time it was my turn to be seen... I was back to myself... and ended up having a nice chat with the person behind the desk.

I walked home in the rain.... feeling so amazingly blessed it was untrue.... I'm not even quite sure why I felt that way... just that I was astounded by the way in which Hong Kong is working out so far.

I miss a lot of things from Cambridge... but I'm seeing exciting things starting to happen here.... things I'm so up for being part of. It's gonna be very different, and it has been/ is a bit of a challenge to accept that. Stuff was just getting comfortable and familiar and now that's all been swept away and replaced with something quasi-familiar and yet so different to what I knew here before. But there we go, that's just part of the adventure that my life is turning out to be... and at least I'm not bored!

August Already??

2007-08-01T17:33:00.000+08:00

It's August already??!!
And that means in just 4 days time I will be getting onto an aeroplane that will take me to Hong Kong, for the next chapter!
I'm not sure what the next two years are gonna look like... all I know is I'll be working, which is a crazy thought. Me? A proper job? What's that all about???

This last month in England has been quite crazy though ... I've started to dream what if...? about a lot of things. Crazy things... things I could never do .... surely?!?!

Lots of this started with 'The Summer Blast' a crazy 10 days of 'mission' in Cambridge up in CB4. It was an amazing, though sometimes difficult, week. A week where the whole team had to step out in faith daily.... we didn't preplan anything... just having the morning to prepare for the next afternoon and evening. A crazy idea, but it was awesome. I'm not really sure what else to write about it here.... there are so many stories... but I just loved it, loved it, loved it so much! I guess a classic story had to be the night we bought an old caravan and got the young people to graffitti onto it... considering the first time we tried to graffitti something at youth back in september/ october we ended up having to get paint off doors etc... it was a brave move... but an amazing and amusing evening was had by all despite the rainy British weather. Just thinking about it all again brings a smile to my face. Work permitting I hope to be at Summer Blast 2008!

I'm not quite sure how Hong Kong fits in with what comes after it ... but I'm ready to be surprised. I was certainly suprised by this year!
But for now this is almost it from England for a little while. And now for some serious packing!

Changes

2007-06-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

It's certainly been a while since I even looked at this thing, and so much has happened in that time. It's so funny to look back at my last post and see how I was wishing what I thought was the impossible. Wishing to go back to Hong Kong for the next school year ... and yet that seeming impossibility is now a reality. I have a teaching job in Hong Kong... I'm gonna be working there for at least two years ... and it all happened so fast I can barely believe it's happening.

Changes are funny things ... I've seen a lot in the past few years ... and I always seem to end up loving them ... but there is always a part of me that wants to hang on to what I know... to what is familiar. I got such a sense of that today. It was the last day of lectures at Homerton, and as it all came to an end I found myself wanting to stay just a little bit longer ... not quite wanting to end this part of my life quite yet. I'm so excited to be going off to Hong Kong, it's what I've wanted for so long... and yet I'm gonna miss here. Cambridge is a complete world of its own. Life here, especially as a student, is a life in a weird kind of twilight zone. It's not really reality. But it is fun.

It's been a great couple of weeks what with Bumps and May week (though I still think having May week in June is a daft idea!) ... and most importantly of all the finishing of the final placement ie getting our lives back.

Tomorrow marks the end of my time as a Cambridge student though ... it really is all over and then it's just packing, saying good byes, church mission week (so,so,so excited about that one!) and spending some final time at home in Cornwall before flying. Before going back to Hong Kong. Whew. Wow. It's actually happening!!!

A Reminder

2007-04-26T05:36:00.000+08:00

Oh my ACTUAL word.
It's strange the things you can find on the internet ...I'm not really sure what I was looking at but somehow I ended up finding myself on youtube where I found a video of the wei lun dance team (including me the 1 white girl!) dancing at the 2005 interhall competition.
How bizarre... especially as I haven't had the chance to do any proper dancing in the last two years consistently ... reminds me how much I miss it and also of the craziness of that year in Hong Kong.
I miss it all - I miss dancing and I miss Hong Kong - but at the same time I am quite loving the here and now for the moment ... it's just when I reflect on stuff like this and think about getting a job for next year ...

But it's almost 11 and way past my bed time ... oh the life of a teacher ... how wild can you get!!!!!
Still I get to teach lots of creative writing and drama at the moment ... all the fun stuff =)

Easter Fun

2007-04-11T04:02:00.000+08:00

Easter, for most people a family time, but for the last three years I've spent Easter away from home ... with families of a different kind.
2 years ago I was in Hong Kong, then last year I stayed in Brum and had all the other students who were sticking around over for a home cooked roast followed by a massive game of Cornwall Challenge, then off for japes in Edinburgh. This year though was particularly fun.

The day started with the 'resurrection fry-up' over at Tim's, at the other side of town. First adventure was finding the house. My directional abilities are poor to say the least, but when I combined this with forgetting the directions I'd written out for myself it was fairly likely something was going to go wrong. I didn't expect to find myself and my bike leaving Cambridge on the A14 however ... an experience I don't aim to repeat!!!
An hour after I set out on the 20 minute ride, I finally made it, just about in one piece. It was worth the adventure though, a great morning of hanging out in the garden, in glorious weather, eating brunch with a great group of people. Celebrating the fact that Jesus didn't stay in the tomb. That he conquered death *woohoo* Now that's worth celebrating.

The afternoon got better from there with some real proper japes going down at the 'Easter party' 4 hours of organised eggy fun!
We started gently with a chocolate egg hunt in the garden. Next stop an egg and spoon race down the road ... dodging any cars that came along. Fun, but there was more to come.

The next activity has to be the highlight of the day for me. Eggstreme Egg rolling. Traditionally done down a grassy slope. In the absence of any grassy slopes in the nearby vicinity we updated the game, and took our hard boiled eggs down the road to the bridge. The really busy, with lots of cars, bridge. Whoever got any part of their egg the furthest down the hill was to be the winner. The result, eggsploding eggs being driven over, and lots of very odd looks in our direction. My egg was eggsploded dramatically but the winner made it down in one piece. Even managing to peel itself on the way! It sounds mad, but was the most fun I've had in ages.

The Winning Egg

Fun didn't end there though, we made parachutes out of paper and dropped eggs out first floor windows, and painted eggs and got random people in the street to judge them. I'm sure I'm regressing age wise. Any moment now and my students will be older than me!
I also got to pick up some bargains in Camden and see Jess and Cherie on the Friday. So a pretty good weekend really.

On the downside though I missed the other Hong Kong people due to my recent horrendous organisational skills and I still have an 8,000 word assignment to write this week. Still I'm allowed to watch 24 again now lent is over and that should see me through the woeful essay, Rach is coming back really soon and I'll see people in Hong Kong in the summer.

My dip is over. I'm going into next term in a much more positive mode. I'll get through this year, get a job somewhere. God's in control, I'm not. I'm getting used to that fact and enjoying the ride right now.

And Then There Was One...

2007-04-04T05:14:00.000+08:00

Well, I finally made it to the holidays *yay yay yay*

Cannot tell you how pleased, and surprised, I am to get here, just about in one piece. Sure there's lots of work to do still, but I can do it in my own time again ... realising just how good the student life is (well parts of it in small doses anyway).
Highlights so far are sleep and weekends. Helped along by a good dose of fabulous weather, people to hang out with and beautiful surroundings.

A sign of the holidays though is a really, really quiet house.... from 7 ... down to just me...
It's weird, a bit of a shock to the system, but in some ways relaxing ... I just got round to reading my first actual 'grown up' book since Christmas. So different from last years average of about 4 a week!!!

However peaceful the house maybe right now I can't wait till everyone else gets back here ... I'm missing the japes already and it's only been a day

Scraping Through

2007-03-17T03:47:00.000+08:00

It's been about two months since I went anywhere near this thing. A combination of computer problems and the lack of time that comes with being a PGCE student on placement has meant that it's just been impossible. I had my final major observation of this term today though so there's a chance for a breather, for all of about 5 seconds!!! I can't express quite how relieved I am that this terms observations are pretty much over - not that that means my work is over - but it is one less pressure!!!

So much has gone on in the last 8 weeks or so, it seems like forever. From being a year older to getting 4 new housemates everything seems to be changing. Including the weather. Just 3 days ago it was lovely and sunny and warm. It almost felt like summer was coming. Now today we had snow, hail, gail force winds. I don't get it how can the weather be so extreme at the moment. It's completely bizarre!!!

Hmmm what else??? Have been on some great church weekends away/ trips back to Birmingham - hanging out with last years crew. God has also been reminding me of dreams I have/ have had and things he said to me in the past. Reminding me that nothing is impossible for him, that these things are possible no matter where I end up next year.

Next year is very much on my mind at the moment and everything is very uncertain. Still have absolutely no idea which country I will be living in next year. Everytime I think that all oppourtunities to get back to Hong Kong next year have closed up another seems to open. Yet at the same time some other crazy options also seem to be opening up. I hate this uncertainty ... obviously still like to be in control too much. Guess I'm still learning to fully trust.

Well that's it for the moment ... hopefully it won't be another two months before I update again. You never know... miracles may happen and I may get on top of my work!!!

Procrastination

2007-01-21T21:49:00.000+08:00

It's funny how the longer I leave between posting here the harder it is to try and think of something to write. I've left it a while, can hardly believe it's almost a month into 2007 already. The traditional thing to do at the start of a new year is to look back and reflect on what went on last year but at the moment it seems like it is always a time for reflection; new year, new school year, graduation, leaving Hong Kong, finishing CIO, new placement school etcetc. It is great to look back on the year... on what happened... but I don't want to only be looking back, there is a future too.

Talking of the future, right now I should be filling in application forms for next year but I've done all the easy fill in the box type questions and it's just the big long essay type thing where you have to sum up your whole attitude to teaching and life generally. Trying to sell yourself in words on a page is hard. I'm not sure that I should find it this hard... I thought english grads were supposed to find it easier... but I do. So I have a mental block about what to write... so here I am... procrastinating. When you find yourself procrastinating with something you've been procrastinating from (eg. doing this) it really must be serious!!!!!! I am just realising what a great procrastinator I am ... the other day I found myself reading all the recycling info that makes cambridge rubbish collection so complicated. I finally worked out what to do with all the cardboard but I was supposed to be writing my essay. Seems procrastination is a habit I haven't grown out of yet. Though I have to admit I've noticed myself seeming more grown up recently, maybe it's the whole teaching thing... I don't know. Not that I'm completely sensible now ... I still get up to mad things like winter beach picnics, sitting on top of the car at the drive through movies, posing for fake graduation photos with a bible on my head....

Right, I guess I should get back to my 'employ me' essay else I'll not get a job for next year, actually I guess that would be this year technically aaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
It seems a bit late but Happy New Year to all you people I haven't said it to yet.
Right off I go, see, I really can be sensible sometimes!!!!!

Highs and Lows

2006-11-23T20:34:00.000+08:00

Yesterday just about summarised the extremes of teaching practice. My first two lessons weren't disastrous but they also weren't my best. It was non uniform day, the weather was terrible, there was a cover teacher in with me, not having my own room meant that I was never quite prepared for the lesson ahead cos I had to keep changing rooms, it was the first time I taught lower school English by myself. This meant that some of the kids were a bit mad to say the least. There were certain issues with kids ... I came out of the lessons wondering whether I had it in me to be a teacher, whether I actually cared enough about the kids in my class, why was I doing this, is doing a secondary PGCE my biggest mistake ever???
So many doubts.
Then I had a year 8 drama class in the afternoon. It has to have been my best lesson yet... I can hardly believe how well it went. My drama mentor even said that she wanted to tell the teacher in charge of trainees in the school about it she was so impressed. Maybe this isn't such a bad idea after all.
So strange how one moment it can be so bad and the next it can be so good. Yeah I still have a lot to learn but it's not impossible for me. Such a day of learning and encouragement.
Also realising how difficult it can be to accept criticism. How it can hurt my pride. How I can take it as an attack on myself when it's not meant like that. I so want to do well... but sometimes I don't. Criticism about my teaching is not meant to destroy me but to help me become a better teacher, to show me ways that I can improve. To accept it means to accept I do things imperfectly sometimes and even though I know I'm not perfect it's still hard to accept that about oneself. This is a good process for me.

Last night we had dinner as a cell group ... such a lovely, relaxing evening.
And today and tomorrow I have half days... with no teaching... cos it's inschool training days. So blessed with the timing of these. The next weeks are gonna be uber mad cos I've said I'll help out with the school musical they are putting on, every evening is booked with something or other, lessons to plan.. teach and evaluate, essays to write and mountains of filing to do.
Before all that though I have a weekend trip to London with my housemates... catching a show, hopefully meeting up with people there etc...
I may be busy but at least I am managing to have a life beyond the PGCE, that sometimes surprises people but I am being so blessed with the strength to get all this stuff done. It is not all my strength by any means. If it was just up to me and what I could do by myself then I dread to think what this year would be like. But it's not. What a comfort that is.

Introduction to the Romantics!!!

2006-11-21T03:07:00.000+08:00

Oh my word, I had the craziest day today. Was supposed to be team teaching a sixth form lesson on the Romantics today, and my part of the lesson was going to last about 5 minutes cos I have absolutly NO IDEA about the Romantics and didn't have time to prepare at the weekend. Anyways I ended up having to take the whole lesson cos an emergency came up and my co-teacher had to leave. So there I was teaching a lesson I hadn't prepared, about something I know nothing about to year 13. Miraculously it went ok, I don't fancy taking many more lessons like that though.

But the reason I didn't have time to prepare is quite exciting.... it's cos I spent all weekend applying for jobs ... in Hong Kong. I had decided to apply for a couple of jobs this weekend... checked the EFS website and their deadlines were like that weekend. So I had a mad rush to fill in the forms... not sure I had time to do them really well, but I just about emailed it off in time... so scary la ... applying for a proper job!!! Have a load more applications to make... just really praying that I will get the 'right job' (as far as such a thing exists) next year, wherever that may be.

On a much lighter note I got a new phone this weekend =)
A conversation I had with my friend about it:
'I got a new phone ... it's so pretty!!'
'Ooo what features does it have?'
'Well it's pink with stars on it'
'Hmmm that sounds mad... but what features does it have??'
'Not sure... think you can use it to phone and text people... I just thought it was pretty'
Honestly I'm such a girl!!
Anyhow should get back to work... am teaching another 3 whole lessons by myself tomorrow and wanna be more prepared than today!

Busyness

2006-11-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm too busy.
At school I find myself teaching pretty much twice what other trainees are teaching ... yet I would rather teach than observe.
Tuesday is my only free night of the week, and that normally gets filled somehow.
There's so much stuff I want to start doing on top of what I'm doing already... but when??
I still need to apply for jobs for next year (in Hong Kong), but that keeps getting pushed back even though it's really important.
My house is so noisy nowadays, so cannot lesson plan or relax in peace.
Sometimes I am so irrational, I make myself busy by doing lots of things ... and then complain that I am busy.
When I am tired, that's when the devil gets in, that's when I say horrible things, complain, get angry, become more selfish etc, etc, etc

But right now the house is quiet... I can begin to feel myself relax.... to really recognise God's presence... to feel myself beginning to be restored.
I love the peace and silence. It is not wrong to come to God and find rest in him... in fact he commands us to do so.
I need discernment over what I should and shouldn't do. I need to be more patient. There is so much I need but what it comes down to is that I need God. And not only that I need him all the time.

Lives Transformed

2006-11-08T00:16:00.000+08:00

It feels like so long since I last posted but in reality it's been less than a month.
I think this has to have been my craziest month ever though... so much has happened and is still happening. I have felt despair, anger, elation, frustration, exhaustion, peace... such conflicting emotions; and God has been teaching me what it really means to sacrifice my comfort.

It started about 3 weeks ago now when my housemate and good friend was admitted to hospital with a brain tumour, and our lives have been transformed since then... stuff that only happens in movies is happening to us. Headaches turn into brain tumours... living in and out of the hospital... how does that work it's not real life surely... but the thing is it is real life. We were never promised that life would be easy but often it comes as a surprise when we experience difficult times.
When we were first finding out what was going on I was quite angry and frustrated ... why was all this happening now, things were going so well in Cambridge, me and my housemates were really having an impact on people around us, we were doing well in our courses and life was just so good... but then I remembered something I released to God this summer... I released my 'comfortable life' to God and said use me however, yet when some of my comforts are taken from me I start to question him... how easy I forget. Anyway the situation with my housemate is still not back to normal... she went back home to N. Ireland and is in and out of hospital there and the doctors still don't know what's going on properly. But God is doing amazing things through this situation, so many people we knew as a house have started going to church with us, and really thinking so much more about what a Christian is, relating this to their lives ... it's totally crazy. As for the rest of it we're learning to trust God more in this situation give it to him, learning what it means to have joy in hard times. So much to learn, but such hard things to learn.

Meanwhile I have actually taught some lessons now... even a drama one by myself. Am so lucky to be in the school that I am in... there's so much oppourtunity for dance and the kids are really good kids. Am loving getting the chance to be able to get in there chat to the kids, teach some lessons, make resources... am even getting to learn how to do some editing of dvd's as they have amazing equipment at school. This course is hard work, which isn't helped by what's going on with my housemate but it's challenging and growing me, and that is something I need very much.

Cambridge... again

2006-10-11T03:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a whole month since I could last get on the internet .... but finally we've got the internet in our house.

The start of my PGCE course has been quite crazy so far and we must have been given a couple of rainforests worth of paper and booklets etc... but I have to admit i'm having a great time. Choosing to do Drama alongside English was such a good decision, even though I was really unsure about it right until I got into the drama studio. Some of the games and role-plays they've had us doing have had me crying with laughter... I've still got to master the art of telling people to 'be the fire', 'come on feel it guys', 'you are the fire, wild, uncontrollable' etc,etc without laughing... it kinda spoils the effect.
I've started my first placement .... and am itching to actually get started with teaching.
oooo and I discovered the joys of interactive whiteboards today... I got so excited that I think I started jumping... hmmm small things!!!

Talking of excitement and jumping I think I've found the church I will go to in Cambridge and having lunch with a group of students I came across someone who had ACTUALLY VISITED THE VINE before!!! Now that made me fairly excited la.

Our house is awesome. Along with me there are two PGCE (primary) students who are also Christians and they spent the last year being missionaries around the world. It's great being able to do bible studies together alongside all the kinds of things I did with my housemates last year. There are also another 4 international students in the house, so there's always something going on. We've entertained for loads of people at least twice already ... a dinner party and a cake party. There's something so awesome about entertaining. We've also done the whole 'normal person' weekend thing and gone out and bought and built flatpacked bookshelves for our living room. Nice but weird!!!

Anyway that'll do for now as I've got to get back to work ... choosing a poem to teach to year 10's , planning a scheme of drama work on melodrama and masks, and starting the reading for my next essay ... plus I have to get up at 6:30am tomorrow so I can make it in to school on time *sigh* my undergraduate days are well and truly over.

Oh and I've only fallen off my bike once and lost a shoe, whilst cycling, once this week ... an improvement on my first weeks. In anycase I blame the uni for giving us too much paper, when it's in my basket it makes me overbalance everytime I have to stop!!!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun

2006-09-11T03:36:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's been over a month since I last posted!!! After finishing off the outreach in Cambridge I headed off to stay with my Gran and catch up with my uni Church friends in Birmingham, so had no computer for yet another week!!! It was worth it though!!! Those whole four weeks were absolutly AWESOME!!! It's kind of hard to sum up such packed weeks afterwards so I guess I'll just post some photos .... but it was most definitly the BEST start in Cambridge I could have had, and I met a load of truly awesome people.

Here's the team, all or at least most of, the 41 of us:

Here's my small group:

One night's drama team:

In the park in the rain with one of my roomies:

During CIO I rather rashly decided to volunteer to lead the kitchen team of one of our cafes which led to rather mad evenings and having to make up about 21 pints of pancake batter on numerous occasions for pancake parties!!! I also ended up volunteering myself and a few others to sing in Cantonese on the international talent evening... it was fun in a funny kind of a way but I just hope there weren't any cantonese speakers there!!!
*Note to self I must stop volunteering myself for mad things*

Anyhow beyond that there was drama *yay*, volleyball in the park, punting and so much more ... not to mention the oppourtunity for everyonelse to laugh at me on my tiny bike... tied up trousers, pulled up pink socks, my host families waterproof coat and a loud scream - fun,fun,fun. I have however been converted to the cause of the bicycle and have just got my sister's old bike kitted out for when I go up on friday ... basket, lights the lot!!

When I got back home at the end of last week I had a pile of post and in amongst it all was a piece of paper laying out my whole year. It was kind of scary to look at especially considering by the end of this school year I could be leaving England... such a WEIRD thought. But also very exciting, I can't wait to get really stuck in. As for now though I'm just preparing for my new semester, doing my initial schools experience at my local primary, trying to pack and trying to find somewhere to live.

This summer has been amazing I have been challenged (and broken) in so many ways, God has answered prayer after prayer of mine, I got to see old friends in Hong Kong and Birmingham, had chance to make new friends from all over the world in Cambridge, been refreshed, had fun, found a church to go to in Cambridge and made some awesome Christian friends in Cambridge who will be staying ... can't wait to see them all again. Anyway I now feel so ready to start the next challenge... I'm ready for God to use me to impact the people I meet in Cambridge and I can't wait.

p.s sorry for the long post and thanks to Jos (aka Gos with the dutch sounding G) and Renato for the photos which I shamelessly nicked as I forgot my camera

Cornish Fun

2006-08-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

Right, tomorrow I'm off up to Cambridge for 3 weeks of outreach to international students and I'm quite, no actually very, excited about it. I'm also a bit nervous though ... it's not the kind of thing I normally do AND I'm going to have to ride a bike!!! After I fell off my bike that had stabiliser wheels on as a kid I've never really ridden a bike... I figured it was something that obviously just wasn't for me ... I had an attempt back in June before I went to Hong Kong and it wasn't too bad... but .... actual roads?!?!

Yesterday was so much fun ... a group of people from my family church headed out to the beach for a surfing/ bbq/ camping trip ... I forget how much I like driving, especially in Cornwall. Friends, the road, some pumping tunes, sun out, wind blowing .... AWESOME
Maybe there was a bit too much wind out at the beach though - now I see why I don't get burnt here. After going in the sea which was ABSOLUTELY FREEZING I just couldn't warm up again, so whilst everyone else was out tanning etc I was wrapped up in a couple of jumpers and a hoody. I did manage to get my first really good coffee of the trip though at a funky little beach side cafe, watching the sun set ... now that's worth getting cold for.

This week has felt so much like a holiday, even though I've done the odd bit of work for my Dad, I've been out so much that I've barely had chance to see my parents and I haven't eaten at home in days!!! What's really weird though is that I'm mainly hanging out with my brothers friends... all mine seem to have got married and moved away. Saying that though I'm not exactly around much ;) It's really made me realise again though how important it is to have close friends around you.

Anyways I probably won't be able to update for the whole 3 weeks I'm in Cambridge, or check the 180 forum, and maybe not even check my emails ... oh my word that's crazy ... no internet for 3 weeks!!!!

So I guess I'll update when I get back, right packing ... packing...

Oh yeah and I have to end by revealing my daftest moment of the week so far ... I opened the washing machine door ... whilst all the water was stll inside. Sometimes I amaze myself with my brilliance ... pure genius!!! ;)
The Hong Kong laundry system is the way for me to go I think ... pay someone else to do it!!!

Now I really must PACK!!!!

How Ironic

2006-08-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Whilst in Hong Kong this summer Alison revealed to me that my nickname Jeemma sounds incredibly similar to the Cantonese word for sesame .... so that got me all excited woohoo I actually have a Chinese name!!!!
When you think about it though 'sesame' is a slightly strange name to have .... in fact just as strange as all those 'english names' of Chinese people I met that are weird and wonderful; like Oreo or Yo-yo .... *sigh* I have succumbed to that which I used to laugh at ....
whilst I'm on the subject of strange names .... probably the weirdest name I came across in Hong Kong belonged to one of the kids that I taught ... this little boy had named himself 'Doggy', really he had!!! To make it even worse he was quite mischevious so I was always having to shout out stuff like 'Doggy, come and sit down' and 'come here Doggy', then when he did what he was told 'Good boy Doggy'. It was so bizarre .... and very difficult to keep a straight face at times.

As for now, I'm currently working for my Dad's office. It's quite possibly the dullest job ever - sorting out files to be destroyed from their archives... but no one else is going to employ me when I'm only here til the end of the week. The amazing weather down here though has meant i've been able to spend my evenings on the beach, which is awesome cos the beaches are one of the best things about Cornwall

Trust

2006-07-29T18:33:00.000+08:00

The Sunday before I left, at the end of the morning service, John got everyone to really listen to God; believing that he had a word for each one of us in that place. The word God had for me was 'trust'. At first I was a bit like that's a bit boring God and why??? But then I listened some more and God said 'Do you trust me?' So I was like yeah of course I do. But then it hit me, if I really trust God then there are implications. As I prepare to leave Hong Kong again do I trust that God has an amazing plan for my life? Am I prepared to give him my future and trust him with it? Am I prepared to trust God with my dreams? Now those are slightly more difficult questions to answer. I honestly believe that I will be returning to Hong Kong next year ... now I'm working on giving this 100% to God. I believe that this is a God given dream of mine so it should be easy to trust God with but I'm finding it can be hard to let go of some things. It's a trust that can't be taken lightly.
That said I am still filling in all my application forms to Hong Kong Schools, and I keep getting confirmation after confirmation that moving to Hong Kong is, well, the right thing.

Right now though I have just got details of the schools I will be doing my training in next year, and I'm getting really excited about that. I can't wait to get into a school and start. I still can't get my head around it ... me, a teacher, going to Cambridge .... how did it all happen???
I guess it's the proof I needed that God DOES have an amazing plan for my life ... and this is just the beginning. How crazy is that!!!!

Fun Times

2006-07-29T17:31:00.000+08:00

So I'm back home in Cornwall for a week .... my last few days in Hong Kong were absolutly AMAZING. Disneyland was sooo much fun ... I totally got caught up in the magic of it all; it brought back memories of the movies I used to watch as a kid and the way that me and my sister would make up dances in our living room to the music when we watched the videos.

Then there was the Junk trip. So glad I could go this year it was so much fun. Jumping off the top of the boat was totally scary and lost me a toe nail =( but I love it anyway! And of course the infamous 'greasy pig' game. The thought of the lifeguards making the announcement "please do not throw the Water - Melon" still cracks me up. Perhaps most amazingly of all though .... I managed not to get sunburnt *yay*

My last few days were also fun because I got to hang out with so many people, a highlight has to be the girly afternoon I spent with Carmen, Alison and Laura. We actually cooked which is unusual for Hong Kong. I had such amazing times with these girls this trip. Hong Kong wouldn't be the same without all you fab Hong Kongers I get to spend time with when I'm there .... missing you already!!

Re-Focusing

2006-07-15T11:42:00.001+08:00

Last Saturday at 180 God really spoke to me ... it's been a while since I was 'broken' in the way that I was that night ... a while since i've been that vulnerable and cried like that cos of something God spoke to me ... too long. It's not that I was going away from God so much just that I was always in control. When Derek spoke about breakthrough at thirst I was like yeah I want breakthrough ... but at that point i'm not sure that I wanted to be broken. Last saturday though that's what happened. Derek spoke about being in our culture and challenging it .... and I realised that's what my blog title is all about ... and that's what one of my 'life verses' says to me .... yet sometimes i'm sooo bad at it. It reminded me that this is one thing that no matter how hard I try I can't succeed at in my own strength ... it's one thing I have to rely on God for .... that I don't rely on God cos it's something that I SHOULD do but because it's something that I NEED to do. This week has been tough and I've felt quite stressed at times but it's been good too. I realise that stuff like piano, and dance and writing that I gave up .... I want to do these things again.
And yeah as I prepare to go back to England in just over a week I feel more focused, more ready for it ...
However lah so excited about next week ... Disney.... Junk trip ...=)

Dreams, jobs and home

2006-07-05T11:37:00.000+08:00

WOW so much has happened since I got here!!!!! Stepping off the plane and on my first wander round Hong Kong I really felt like I was home which is strange considering i've only spent such a small part of my life here.

Went to The Vine for 180 on Saturday night and it was just amazing to see people again ... love it so much ... was prepared for people to not remember me but that so didn't happen ... I think I was a bit excitable that night though cos I screamed a lot.

Anyway this holiday God is into making dreams come true for me ... Revolve The Vine's dance team started up about a week after I left last year. At the time I had such mixed feelings I was sooo excited that it was happening but also kind of gutted that I couldn't be part of it ... all year it's been a dream of mine to dance with them .... and that dream came true ... I got to rehearse with them and also to perform with them at thirst. It's so awesome to be able to do a dance class and a bible study like together in the same meeting.

Also I guess my BIG news of the trip is that I'm applying for jobs for next year. I was talking to people about it and it seemed so weird .... applying a year early for jobs that don't exist with a qualification I don't have .... but oppourtunities are being opened up and it's really exciting ... so next year I could be back. Talking of qualifications though I GRADUATED finally .... my results came out as I was flying and I get a 2:1 hahaha soooo excited!!!

Hmmmm I have so much to think about this trip .... have been consistently challenged by everything I've attended at The Vine .... I have too much to think about, and process, and pray about .... but that is also exciting to me .... this is not just a holiday God is using it to grow me yay yay yay

There's soo much more to say but no time so this will do for the moment .... I'm off to see more of Hong Kong =)

Hong Kong here I come!!!!!

2006-06-20T20:32:00.000+08:00

Wah... tomorrow I fly out to Hong Kong for a month woohoo I sooooooo can't wait!!!
Will be meeting my first roomie Claudia and staying with her out near Fortress Hill. So anyways I have to go now but Hong Kong people will see you as from thursday.
Too much to do and no time aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

Eeeemmmmmmmmaaaaa miss you - hope you are having a great time back in France.

Dunno how much I'll get onto the internet out in Hong Kong .... not taking my computer this time =( But I'll try and update for all you English and Cornish people.

hahaha I'm going back to Hong Kong *yay*

Fake Flowers and Invisible Football

2006-06-19T16:37:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my last day at Elim ... can't believe it's been 8/9 months it's over =(
But it wasn't really too sad a day and we kept up our madness right to the end. After the absolutly fab morning service most of us students ended up hanging round for ages and we all started to muck about with the fake flowers they put on the tables ... I don't know why but fake flowers + camera = hilarious to us. Here's Matt and Helen with some flowers:

And Eemma my 'Baptism Buddy' and I posing for the camera for one last time:
And finally from the morning here's my fellow alligator thief and partner in crime generally Sarah and I:

If that wasn't mad enough after the evening service we had the last of the years catalysts .... a 'reflective party' It started off sane enough doing reviews of our years and encouraging each other and then ..... Invisible football happened. Oh my word it is the most hilarious game ever! It has to be played to be understood but it involves lots of very random forfeits and not being allowed to laugh or smile. We ended up playing til about 1:30 am and most of our forfeits this time involved food though there were press ups and the flowers showed up again.

I'm gonna miss all these guys so much ... thanks for making my year so fab!!!!!

Big sticks and cows

2006-06-17T20:56:00.000+08:00

I love living in the countryside. The other day my Dad came home from work to get me to go and help rescue some escaped cows belonging to one of his colleagues at work. About 16 of their cows had made a bid for freedom over a hedge and had ended up happily munching on another farm's grass. So that evening half a dozen or so of us headed off with big sticks in tow to bring them back. It turned into quite an expedition; hacking out a way through a very overgrown path, walking up streams and shouting at cows. We all got quite wet and muddy. I really like cows but the little calves were particularly cute. Then we went back to the house to hose the mud off of ourselves ... the japes, the japes.

Reminds me of doing our Duke of Edinburgh expedition with my friend who had just come down from London, she had never seen a cow before and got scared when we walked through a field containing a herd of cows. She panicked and sprinted for the otherside but the cows thought this was a great game and a load of them chased after her lol. The rest of us had to make us much noise and movement as we could so we'd be more interesting to the cows ... we made such a fool of ourselves in that field.

I finished at Marlborough yesterday and the kids got me a book (for me to teach next year) and all signed it awwww. Can't wait to see the dvd of their performance ... will be the first entry in my portfolio ... a load of crazy pirates doing really cheesy rap and rock and roll dances. That and my attempts at artwork for the scenery.
The main thing I learned ... you can make ANYTHING out of cardboard hahaha.

Here's the one photo I have so far of the ball... well pre ball, it's not very exciting I'm afraid but I forgot my camera so I just got photo's off other people:

A rather dramatic case of ageing

2006-06-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

Sometimes kids say the funniest things ... one reception kid asked me today if I was Mrs Stephens' (my mum's) Mummy, cos I was taller than her I think... hahahaha now that is definitly a first, normally I'm being told I look like I'm 15, lol.

So much has been going on since I last posted ... my travel plans to Hong Kong are finally arranged, I'm definitly going to be working with Cambridge International Outreach for August, the lecturers strike has been resolved, I've moved back home, had my graduation ball, been given a tonne of work to do before I start at Cambridge in September, chereographed and taught 4 dances at school, and just done a load of mad stuff generally. Today for example I've been painting foliage onto the windows at school for scenery with random cut up sponges. I've never had such green fingers!!! The things you end up doing at school lol, but I love the creative atmosphere that's going on there at the moment ... until they've finished the play it's drama, dance and art work all the way =)

Sunday was my penultimate week at Elim and I had to say goodbye to some people who won't be there next week ... I still can't quite make myself understand that I will be gone from there soon it's still not quite real but in about a week's time i'll be getting on a plane to Hong Kong. Unfortunatly my results get released as I'm just about to take off from London so i'm not gonna be able to find out how I did for ages which is causing all kinds of problems with Cambridge but I guess it'll all work out in the end. I am SOOO excited about being back in Hong Kong again though. Got an email today about SCP starting again this week, I love this program its such an exciting and dynamic thing to be involved in. For Students in Hong Kong it's THE place to be, slightly gutted that i'll be missing the start but so glad it's up and running this year, and I guess I'll be there soon anyways.

I'd forgotten how much fun summer can be in England when the weather is good ... evenings and barbecues on the beach, picnics in the park, ultimate frisbee/football matches, mucking about in the sea, and just generally hanging about outside. Looking around on Sunday I just saw all these people who have been such a big part of my life for this year and realised how much I'm gonna miss being around them. But at the same time I am SO excited for what i'm gonna be doing next year and know how important a year it is to enable me to realise the dreams that God has put on my heart ... and that's almost the most exciting thing about it all. At the moment with all the work they have sent me to do in my already packed summer I feel a little overwhelmed but I know that whatever happens I don't want to be relying on my own strength and abilities anyway. It reminds me once again how much I NEED God.

Graduation???

2006-06-01T15:37:00.000+08:00

Will I graduate or not??? I really don't know. And it's not because I'm going to fail, it's just that the lecturers are on strike and refusing to release any marks. Apparently they had talks at the weekend to try and resolve the problem but they didn't achieve anything and I'm not sure they'll have any more before my results are due on 12th June. So frustrating!!! I want to know how I did, but I guess I'll just have to be patient. At least I'm not really affected that much cos Cambridge only want me to get a 2:2 and I've never got below that yet, well appart from the exam I decided not to go to last year =), so i'm pretty certain they'll let me in even if there's still no word of results until after September. The good side to this situation is that my Mum and Dad aren't quite so upset with me for going to Hong Kong and missing graduation. It just won't be the same when they can't tell you you've definitly passed, and most of my friends graduate on a different day so it wouldn't really be much of a social occasion either.

The problem for this moment though is how to get all my stuff into the car to take it home. I think I underestimated how much I have, so Mum and I only drove up in the small car = s This could be fun, and after that its just 5/6 hour drive home depending on the traffic. At least I'm not trying to post everything home this year though ... that was fun!!!

Right I'm back to it, but I'm home for 2 weeks so I guess it'll be a 2 week silence on here. Hmmm can't wait to go to the beach again =)

Packing

2006-05-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

So I started packing today and my room is in a COMPLETE mess. It's quite sad to pack up, taking all my photos off the wall and removing everything that personalises a space but have found some crazy things I'd forgotten about too. I have so many memories packed into this place; from the good to the bad. I just came across messages people rom the NEO sent me last christmas all written on pieces of lasagne and that just reminded me of the summer we had in Salzburg where I danced in St. Peter's monastery and just about broke every rule they have in that place; dancing, running, clapping, shouting.... and the time there was a thunder storm and we just ran about in the rain. I also came across poems and journal entries from the worst times and they have just been such a reminder to me of all that God has done in my life. Some of the stuff is painful to remember but I'm glad I can. Sure I failed at just about everything but I'm still here and God is still using me. How awesome is that!!!

Some photos of the year... cos I can haha

Dan, Emma and I off to a stripy party

Eating chocolate at Cadbury World

Me at Edinburgh Castle

Christmas walk with my family, ayako and some wild ponies

Cherie and I in Munich

London

My room in Brum

I love photos but I guess I should get on with packing, am supposed to be off to the pub tonight. Some people from church have a gig on, should be good fun, the music they play is always good to dance too =)

New Beginnings

2006-05-22T22:42:00.000+08:00

So... am finally attempting this. Figure that as this will be the third year in a row that I am moving on from places and people, and that I am RUBBISH at remembering to email people, maybe I'll manage to keep this up instead??!! We shall see.
I am realising that the problem with these things is deciding what to say and what not to say - there are just so many possibilities. I guess though, I'll just start with: I'M FINISHED!!!
Haha have finally got no work left to do on my degree ... four years of work is over!!! I never thought I'd graduate but it's happening... how??
Now I've got a bit of a crazy summer before I start my PGCE in September. Will be moving about so much this summer Cornwall, Birmingham, Hong Kong and Cambridge ... mad!!
As for this week though I gotta start packing, although I'll be living here on and off for a while I've got to send most of my stuff home this week. Realising how gutted I'm gonna be to leave this place. Crazy when you think that back in September this was the last place I wanted to be. All I can say though is that God has blessed me abundantly during my 8 months here - despite my often lousy attitude.
So anyways... let the summer begin (and please could someone let the weather know it's summer too I just got totally drenched - sun would be very much appreciated)